


Trust Me

by wwwjudedotcom



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:28:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wwwjudedotcom/pseuds/wwwjudedotcom
Summary: This takes place shortly after Caulfield and is what I wished had happened instead of Michael going to Maria in the finale.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Kudos: 29





	Trust Me

**Author's Note:**

> For Michael Guerin Week  
> Day 5: "Just trust me."

Michael couldn’t stop thinking it, even though he knew logically that he was wrong, it wouldn’t stop. "Caulfield was my fault, I killed my mother." He was sitting outside his airstream and drinking despite the fact that it wasn’t even noon yet. The more time had passed since Caulfield, the more he kept remembering himself trying to break the glass of the prison cell. That’s what caused the building to blow up, him trying to save her. He caused it. The deaths of so many aliens, people like him. 

Michael went to throw away his third (fourth?) beer when he saw Alex drive up. This was not what he needed today, but he plastered on a fake smile and greeted him anyways. 

“Hi.”

Alex gave a small smile, looked at Michael with a small question mark in his eyes but all he said was “Hey, Guerin.” 

“Need something?”

Michael hoped Alex would say no, just turn around and leave, just walk away. He didn’t. 

“I just wanted to check in. See how you were holding up.” 

He just scoffed, unable to properly answer. He didn’t even know how he was holding up, how he was feeling. How was he supposed to tell Alex how he was when he didn’t know himself?

“It’s okay if you don’t know how you feel.” 

Michael heard something raw in Alex’s voice, like he was speaking from experience. He sighed anyways. Alex always had a way of reading his mind. 

A quiet “sure” was all he could muster. 

“Just trust me. Sometimes it’s better to not know than to force yourself to feel something you’re not.” 

“Trust you? Alex, trusting you is not the problem. It’s never been the problem. I can’t trust myself, I’m the one responsible for-“ 

“No,” Alex cut him off, “That was not your fault. That was my father. He is responsible, not you.” 

“Alex, if I hadn’t-“

“Look, you said you trust me, right? So trust me on this. Please. This is not on you. I promise.” 

Michael finally looked up at Alex. His face didn’t show any signs of lying, though Michael wasn’t sure he’d be able to tell anyways. But he did trust Alex, and he refused to make himself a liar. So he trusted him one more time, acting like he ever had a choice. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Alex asked.

“Okay,” Michael said with a little more conviction.

He still wasn’t sure how he felt, but here was Alex, offering advice, offering comfort. How could he refuse? Alex sat down, waiting for Michael to say more. He had played this game often enough in therapy, when he didn’t want to talk but his therapist simply waited him out. Eventually he would cave and tell her everything at once. He hoped Michael would do the same. 

“I just can’t help it. Feeling like it’s my fault. If I hadn’t tried to save her, if I hadn’t been selfish, they’d all still be alive right now. And my brain knows it’s not my fault, but isn’t it? If I had used two more brain cells, I would’ve figured out a safe way to rescue her. Because she loved me,” Michael paused, hand on the unopened fifth beer, “She loved me, and I killed her.” 

Alex took a deep breath. He knew there was nothing he could say to make the last few weeks disappear. So he slipped quietly into therapist mode, hoping it would help, even if he couldn’t take away Michael’s pain. 

“Hey, just take a deep breath, Michael, it’s okay. Your brain knowing it’s not your fault is good. That’s the first step. Logically knowing it. It just takes a while for everything else to catch up. And that’s okay. You just have to keep reminding yourself that it wasn’t your fault.” 

Michael just nodded. He wasn’t sure what he believed, but he knew Alex was trying to help and he wasn’t about to shove it in his face. 

“And if you can’t remind yourself of that, then that’s what I’m here for.” 

They locked eyes, and Michael knew he meant it. He knew that no matter how many times they had pushed and pulled away from each other, this was something true. Alex wouldn’t lie about this. Michael trusted Alex more than he trusted himself. (Which probably warranted another conversation, but Michael wasn’t sober enough for that right now.) 

“Thank you.” 

Alex just shook his head, like it was nothing. Like it didn’t matter. 

“I mean it, thank you. For being here.” 

“I meant what I said in there, you know. I’m not looking away this time.” 

Hearing his own words, this time softly tossed into his heart instead of flung at him to save his life, made Michael unable to speak. His eyes started to water, and he just gestured to his beer, like the alcohol had made him cry. Alex understood, though. He wrapped Michael in a soft hug, like he was scared of breaking him. And both of them just about melted into each other. Neither of them wanted to pull away, but Alex’s phone went off, and he remembered that being an airman meant showing up to work, even if it was just desk duty. 

“Go, it’s okay.” 

Michael meant it, this time, and the sincerity in his voice shocked them both. 

“Can I come over after work? I can bring food from the Crashdown if you want.” 

Michael nodded and watched Alex drive away, this time without the gut wrenching feeling that he wasn’t coming back. He put the still unopened beer back in his cooler.


End file.
